Alexandra Millard – when pressure becomes privilege

Alexandra Millard heads to an anonymous Belgian city, population just over 14,000. Green and brown flat fields would surround for mile on end, but everything is white. Snow falls steadily at the Cross Cup Hannut.

Millard heads to the Wallonia as the European U23 bronze medallist over the discipline, a win which also helped her secure a pro contract with New Balance.

That day in Turin, Millard had gone into the race with little expectations, just to try as hard as possible to score.

“Go out there, enjoy it and just run my heart out.” she told herself.

The Invicta East athlete led a five strong group through much of the four lap race. One testing rise every five minutes or so. As they approached for the final time, Millard pushed.

Give it all she has up the hill, she thought to herself and let her legs take her all the way down. As they ran through the church, a hollow shell but for some boards laid out to dampen aching legs, Millard sensed her gap.

She sprinted all the way home. A minute or so later bronze was her reward.

Back in Belgium

But now in Belgium the tables have turned. No live stream, no significant silverware, nothing will change with a poor result but still she feels the pressure.

“I just realised before the race had even started, I’d basically just signed myself up to have a bad race.”

It’s tough from the off and Millard finishes 11th, fifth of the Brits.

Every athlete will know the feeling. Back to square one with one poor performance. The fitness evaporating, rationality departing. Millard allowed herself a couple of down days.

Pembrey reprieve

Two weeks later along comes BUCS Cross Country, Millard regarding herself as an outsider. In her eyes, three athletes have greater chances.

Abbie Donnelly, Amelia Quirk and Megan Keith all find themselves on the plane to the World Cross-Country Champs in the following weeks. Millard will be joining them as a member of the relay team.

Loughborough are enjoying an impressive day in Pembrey Country Park, a few miles from Swansea. A one-two in the men’s B race, Millard settles into the early running. Quirk and Donnelly track her early moves.

She can’t help but smile as she passes cry after cry from the small army of Loughborough athletes lining the course, purple and white warpaint from cheek to cheek.

“I feel like the atmosphere and how that affects your mindset really does have a big effect sometimes.”

Donnelly gradually starts to feel the early pace. Just Quirk and Millard remain. Only upside from here on in, Millard continues to surprise herself.

With the red and white banner approaching, Quirk cannot respond as they enter the final straight.

“When I’m relaxed and not stressed about the outcome, I think I do perform better.”

Learning through experience

If Millard winds back to that Belgium day where everything went wrong, it’s unlikely she’d do much differently. Sometimes the only way to learn is through experience. It’s part of being an athlete finding your way in the sport and it won’t necessarily be something that takes a one-off race to absorb.

Directly after Millard’s cross season she rightly went into the outdoor season with high expectations. Her sole objective – make the GB team for the Euro U23s.

In late May Millard headed to Andujar in search of her first fast 5000m field of the season. In touch with the leaders for the majority of the race, Millard was on course for a massive PB:

“Then suddenly it just all hit me and I completely died.” She puts it bluntly.

She rallied home for a new best of 15:43 but saw her season change in a couple of painful laps.

“I just felt like I kind of had the mindset of I just have to make the team. I really wanted to. And then if I didn’t, I felt like well what do I do now?

I’d focused my season on aiming for the 5,000 meters.”

Eloise Walker, also an U23 ran 15:26 in the same race, Megan Keith 15:32 a few days before. With few opportunities to race fast again over 5000m Millard and coach Bill Foster pivoted to the 1500m.

Ripping up the season plan

50 days till the heats in Espoo. Secure the standard, then secure her place in Finland. Two simple objectives.

Yet not simple when you feel halfway through your mind’s catastrophe,

“I think I just felt every race was being looked at in terms of selection.”

First up Birmingham and a BMC Gold Standard 1500m. A weaker field than Spain doesn’t lessen the importance in Millard’s mind.

The gun goes and with every stride she relaxes, moving away from the field early on. 200m to go and the pressure has gone, now she just has to sprint.

She wins by over five seconds. The Euro U23 standard is punched.

Essex endeavour

All eyes turn to Chelmsford. The England U20/23 Champs will in essence operate as the Euro qualifier.

The heats negotiated, Millard lines up for the final with two more Bill Foster-trained Loughborough athletes. She would regard both Beth Morley and Abigail Hancock as friends but today they have to be rivals.

Only two places will be available to Finland.

Millard knows the different qualities of the rest of her competitors. Some can kick, some have all-round quality. Her own strength is strength itself.

She knows she has to take it from the gun, run her own race. Within 200m she hits the front. The Scot, Sarah Calvert, sits on her shoulder, the rest of the field staring at their heels.

800m passes and still all are in contention, a lap where all Millard can do is think of the growing mass behind.

By the bell five are still there, Morley herself matching her stride and trying to take the inside lane. The two engage in a tussle down the back straight and while Millard doesn’t yet know it, two challengers have faded out the back. Just three remain.

Then Calvert once more reappears at 200m, overtaking Millard with some pace. One place to Finland appears to be moving away from her. Millard heads for home eyes glued in front. 50 to go, 40, 30 the metres pass until they don’t any longer.

Millard finishes second and books her place.

The pressure valve off Millard would go on to place sixth in the Euro U23 final, finishing her season with a string of PBs. Under 4:10 for the first time in August who would have known what would have happened but for those darker days.

The gun goes and the